Casting Call

So if Knox’s Irregulars became a movie (admittedly, not a terribly likely occurrence), who would I want for the cast?

Casting Randal Knoxwas an easy choice. The actor has to be able to be cerebral, athletic, and somewhat square of jaw. I can see Hunter Parrish as an armored infantry corporal.

Audrey Hepburn was born to play Ariane Mireault, but unfortunately, was born way too early and is now stone dead. So Emily Browning would work well – she can play both gutsy and vulnerable, and isn’t at all ugly.

As for Jeni Cho, the sarcastic dronekeeper, I’m hoping that Dara from 2NE1 can act. She looks the part, and she sings for my son’s favorite (horrible) K-Pop band.

Jeni’s sidekick and the squad’s pilot, Johnny Warfield, could only be played by Eric Christian Olsen. His acting truly captures the blend of insensitivity and general dumb@ssery that is Johnny.

French actor/kickboxer Salim Kéchiouche would be good for Nabil al-Hise, the embittered, vicious scout.

Jack Van Loon is Randal’s XO in the book, and a voice of wisdom amid the chaos. Jason Segel can do the cheery, avuncular thing well – think of him in I Love You, Man, but with a lot more maturity.

Sergei Lebedev, the brilliant-but-squirrely Belorussian scientist, has to be Seth Green. I’ve been a fan ever since Buffy the Vampire Slayer. He’s skinny, nerdy, and mildly spastic – just like Lebedev.

The villain of the book, Colonel Gregor Tsepashin, is tailor-made for Vladimir Putin.  But since he’s resumed being the dictator of Russia, we’ll have to settle for Daniel Craig. Craig does the pale-eyed menace thing well enough, even if he’s never killed any actually dissidents. Putin has, of course, which would have been awfully cinéma vérité!